Confessions of a Recovering Do-Gooder

A friend asked me what my “theme” was for my blog.  I didn’t know what that meant.  Do I have to  have a theme?  As I continued to go through the set up process of creating a blog on WordPress, there was an entire section on “theme’s”.  My first reaction was “f-themes!” but then I decided to give one a go.  So it’s currently titled, “Confessions of a Recovering Do-Gooder: One woman’s quest to become a hedonist”.  It is so unbelievably cliche and I think it’s uber- cheesy, but I’m keeping it for now.

There is a good chance it will change.  I literally laugh out loud when I read it.  To interpret the title, what seems meaningful to me at the moment is reflecting on the past 5-10 years in DC and abroad and my new life and purpose here in Hawaii.  And perhaps ponderings of the future.

The photo at the top of the blog is of the Ganges River in Rishikesh, India.  It’s in northern India, near the border of Nepal so the water is a beautiful turquoise color and very clean.

Disclaimer: my grammar and spelling are horrible.  I apologize in advance. Spell checker has its limitations.

I’ve never had a blog but kind of like the idea

I’ve never had a blog and always thought they were superfluous and wondered if anyone read them.  But I decided to go ahead and do it.  For myself.  Was actually one of my New Year’s “Intentions” as I’ve wanted to learn how to openly, and even publicly, express myself.

I have been struggling with feeling grounded lately, which isn’t terribly surprising as I try to create a life for me here in Hawaii.  Sometimes I still wonder how I got here.  I logically know the steps I have made, but I am not so sure I have been as present as I’d like to be through the process of change.

Went running this morning. I find running to be meditative and more effective than sitting cross-legged on the floor and trying to empty my mind.  What I noticed today for the first time is I run with my index finger and thumb touching, as in the Gyan Mudra you so often see in Buddha statues.  I found that to be entertaining and somewhat delightful.  The Mudra apparently has many benefits, one being the relaxation of the mind.  I need more of that.

I ended my run in Kapiolani Park across the street from the Diamond Head Community Garden near my home.  I plopped down on the grass and lay flat on my back, and staring up into the sky.  The grass was beaded with water but I didn’t care.  I try to remember that I am grounded and that everything will be okay in the end.  I moved into childs pose, my face planted into the wet grass.  As I inhaled the scent of the grass and felt it tickle my nose I felt a sense of joy.  I stayed there for a while, reminding myself of who I am, where I’ve been, and letting myself feel the anxiety and excitement of the unknown future.  As I write this, I still have grass all over me am itchy and sweaty –  I really should shower.  But I don’t really care, I’m enjoying the moment.