Just taught my second yoga class in an 8-week series. I feel high on life. When I teach yoga, I feel so alive. I don’t really understand it. What I do understand is I love sharing what I love with others. There is an energy exchange that occurs that I’m not sure how to articulate but it’s very real. When I interact with the students and do assists, I feel an unspoken connection.
When teaching tonight, feelings of elation superseded feelings of disappointment and self-consciousness that have overshadowed the previous 2 classes. This makes me extremely happy. As a new teacher, I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing and that I’m talking nonsense. I wonder why anyone would want to go to my class! But this time for the most part I was able to accept the awkwardness and embrace the unknown. So what if I looked stupid or clueless? And I’m pretty sure this sense of acceptance is directly correlated with feeling great about tonight’s class.
I see parallels in the rest of my life, as yoga has often taught me. Most days I wake up and wonder what the heck I’m doing or how I’m going to accomplish what is ahead of me. It is extremely challenging and humbling to be new at pretty much everything. I wonder sometimes if I was crazy to leave an established career I was good at, a steady income, a community of friends and a sense of “home”. It took me years to get to that place. But I’m moving closer to being okay with feeling ridiculous, unintelligent and awkward. Which is how I feel just about all the time when it comes to being in school again and teaching yoga. I’m allowing myself to mess up, look stupid and make a fool of myself. Feels fantastically liberating! It’s kind of like I can be a kid again. What’s great is I can laugh about it too. And I love to laugh. A lot.