I went to the Pali lookout today, though not on purpose. I was in the area and somehow ended up there. As I looked into the horizon it was chilly and raining, but I didn’t care. I wanted to feel cold. I stood there and shivered as the rain poured down on me and I hoped the rain would come down even harder. I needed to know I could feel something besides sadness. And hot; it’s been really hot lately.
I cannot believe these words are my own, but I miss the seasons. I want to see the leaves dropping around me with brilliant colors; the smell of the leaves decaying as you walk through the park. I want winter. A cold and bitter winter that reminds me I am alive. Seeing life go dormant around me sounds comforting. I want to lie in the snow and feel my skin burn from the cold. I want to see my breath fog up around me.
Friends of mine would say fall and winter were wonderful because nature would drift to sleep for a while and then come back alive in the spring. I always saw it as everything just dies. There was nothing I found particularly beautiful about it. Fall was the beginning of the end, as I dreaded the dark winters. But I think I understand it now. There is a predictable and soothing rhythm to it. Even the most treacherous of winters will eventually birth forward a beautiful spring.