Big Island wanderings

Lately I have acted unlike myself though I am sure that is not unusual under the circumstances.  I spent Labor Day weekend on Big Island, mostly diving, snorkeling and meeting up with some friends.  Though I couldn’t for the life of me commit to any particular action.  Nothing felt quite right. In each instant, I would change my mind and decide that, yes, I should go do this or that instead.  Or wait, maybe not.  Maybe I should do this other thing.

I started the 2-hour drive toward a friend’s house from Kona, though ended up stopping to snorkel for a while and then later ended up at a black sand beach.  As I drove by a Bed & Breakfast I contemplated staying the night there.  But wait, I was supposed to stay at my friends house on the other side of the island.  So I drove on.  When I arrived, I wasn’t sure what to do with myself and decided going to bed was the best option.

The next day, I planned go to a birthday party and camp on the volcano but instead took off in my rental car and drove to the other side of the island without knowing where I was going or where I was staying.  It eventually became dark and I figured I needed to sleep somewhere.  I ended up camping on the beach by myself in Kohala.  Putting a tent up in the dark is not easy. I had never camped by myself and it is not something I’d normally do, but I feel anything but normal.

It is hard to know what will make me feel better in the moment.  So I test it out briefly and if it doesn’t, I feel compelled to immediately change directions.  I don’t know how else to be right now.  I’m giving myself permission to do whatever it is I need to do to get through this.  Even if it means wandering around aimlessly.

It’s a good thing I was on an island.  Perhaps I would have driven on like this forever.

Black Sand Beach, Big Island Hawaii

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