What is it like to be you?

Been flirting with meditation lately.  I’ve never been able to fully appreciate meditation despite several recommendations from friends over the years.  Sitting in silence and trying to empty my mind has ended in frustration; my mind refuses to stop.   Though it’s gotten easier as I’ve allowed my mind to say/feel what it needs to (see previous post).

Part of meditation is experiencing the moment, even down to the second within when you take a breath.  I felt the sensation of breath going in and out my nose and began to understand what it mean to be alive.  It’s that simple.

What came to mind today was the question of, “What is it like to be me?”.  And the only answer I could think of, was you had to be me to understand.  You had to sit within the body I was experiencing at that very moment: my own. But it inspired me to think about connecting with others and asking, “What is it like to be you?”.  We are so often caught up in our own lives to even consider a different reality.  I am not sure I could answer the question myself but I have always hoped to understand others more fully.  What does it mean to live inside someone else’s skin?  Who are you?

Heart and mind: can we both win?

As a yoga teacher, I often find myself guilty of not practicing on my own.  After my teacher training, I was pumped up on practicing in my home every morning for at least an hour.  These days, I feel much more motivated going to a class.  Though I understand this: there is an energy you find with practicing with others and it’s nice to zone out and be led by someone else.

Meditation has been on my mind frequently in the past few months. I hear my own words, saying to the class that asanas are preparation for seated mediation.   I’ve taken classes from Indian gurus, read books and learned all about it.  Like yoga poses, it takes time to learn and really get the benefits.  So it goes by the wayside.  I was in a Korean Buddhist temple not long ago and felt the peace that lingered there.  I’ve contemplated going back to spend some time there and just sit for a while.

This morning I decided to do some yoga and meditate.  What I learned in my teacher training is that Continue reading

I’m writing in this blog much more than I thought I would

Just taught my second yoga class in an 8-week series.  I feel high on life.  When I teach yoga, I feel so alive.  I don’t really understand it.  What I do understand is I love sharing what I love with others.  There is an energy exchange that occurs that I’m not sure how to articulate but it’s very real.  When I interact with the students and do assists, I feel an unspoken connection.

When teaching tonight, feelings of elation superseded feelings of disappointment and self-consciousness that have overshadowed the previous 2 classes.  This makes me extremely happy.   As a new teacher, I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing and that I’m talking nonsense.  I wonder why anyone would want to go to my class!  But this time for the most part  I was able to accept the awkwardness and embrace the unknown.  So what if I looked stupid or clueless?  And I’m pretty sure this sense of acceptance is directly correlated with feeling great about tonight’s class.

I see parallels in the rest of my life, as yoga has often taught me.  Most days I wake up and wonder what the heck I’m doing or how I’m going to accomplish what is ahead of me.  It is extremely challenging and humbling to be new at pretty much everything.  I wonder sometimes if I was crazy to leave an established career I was good at, a steady income, a community of friends and a sense of “home”.  It took me years to get to that place.  But I’m moving closer to being okay with feeling ridiculous, unintelligent and awkward.  Which is how I feel just about all the time when it comes to being in school again and Continue reading

I’ve never had a blog but kind of like the idea

I’ve never had a blog and always thought they were superfluous and wondered if anyone read them.  But I decided to go ahead and do it.  For myself.  Was actually one of my New Year’s “Intentions” as I’ve wanted to learn how to openly, and even publicly, express myself.

I have been struggling with feeling grounded lately, which isn’t terribly surprising as I try to create a life for me here in Hawaii.  Sometimes I still wonder how I got here.  I logically know the steps I have made, but I am not so sure I have been as present as I’d like to be through the process of change.

Went running this morning. I find running to be meditative and more effective than sitting cross-legged on the floor and trying to empty my mind.  What I noticed today for the first time is I run with my index finger and thumb touching, as in the Gyan Mudra you so often see in Buddha statues.  I found that to be entertaining and somewhat delightful.  The Mudra apparently has many benefits, one being the relaxation of the mind.  I need more of that.

I ended my run in Kapiolani Park across the street from the Diamond Head Community Garden near my home.  I plopped down on the grass and lay flat on my back, and staring up into the sky.  The grass was beaded with water but I didn’t care.  I try to remember that I am grounded and that everything will be okay in the end.  I moved into childs pose, my face planted into the wet grass.  As I inhaled the scent of the grass and felt it tickle my nose I felt a sense of joy.  I stayed there for a while, reminding myself of who I am, where I’ve been, and letting myself feel the anxiety and excitement of the unknown future.  As I write this, I still have grass all over me am itchy and sweaty –  I really should shower.  But I don’t really care, I’m enjoying the moment.